1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:06,000
Vote Samson. Vote for Andrew.
So, I'm supporting my brother,

2
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,680
while you're supporting the
man who ruined both our lives.

3
00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:10,680
What am I supposed to
do? Show some backbone.

4
00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:14,760
Pick a side. Ah! Man.
Picking sides is hard.

5
00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:18,120
I pick... one of each.

6
00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:21,400
I mean, when did neutrality
become such a dirty word?

7
00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:23,760
I love Swiss cuisine. I
mean, look at the Toblerone.

8
00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:26,520
You're telling me a warring
country would put nougat in there?

9
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,834
When you're digging trenches,
you don't think about nougat.

10
00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:31,080
You don't have the
time! ABIJAH LAUGHS

11
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,240
Evil triumphs when
good men do nothing.

12
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:34,834
Yes, but I'm not
doing nothing, Rachel.

13
00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:36,880
I am worrying constantly.

14
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:38,640
I don't want Samson's rage.

15
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:41,180
I don't want your brother to
put me back in his garage gulag.

16
00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:43,360
Garage gulag?

17
00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,200
Look into his eyes, Andrew.

18
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,120
See the eyes of your enemy.

19
00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:49,200
Andrew's on his rower again.

20
00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:52,600
He says training will
focus his mind for the vote.

21
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,440
That's fun.

22
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,280
For you. What do you mean?

23
00:00:58,480 --> 00:00:59,514
You're looking at his body

24
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:02,320
like a hyena that's
hungry for man meat.

25
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,680
My sole desire
is to help my son.

26
00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:08,040
And if Andrew wants
to exercise in that gear,

27
00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:11,120
that tight, tight gear...

28
00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,160
ANDREW GROANS

29
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:14,920
Is there an end
to that sentence?

30
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:17,000
Hm.

31
00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:33,560
Is David helping
with the big vote?

32
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:35,920
No. It's imperative
that doesn't happen.

33
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:38,335
We've sent him to his favourite
charity electronics store.

34
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:41,600
Guys, I've got a great deal
on a random grab bag of wires.

35
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:42,680
Look.

36
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,080
There's a Scart at one
end, and at the other...

37
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:47,320
..we'll soon find out.

38
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,480
Jeb, did you get my
voice note about CPR?

39
00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:57,880
Yes. That sounds so important
to you and to your future.

40
00:01:57,920 --> 00:01:58,920
I can't do it.

41
00:01:58,960 --> 00:01:59,960
What?

42
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:02,400
It's the youth,
Rachel, of Bolton.

43
00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:04,320
They've asked me to do a talk.

44
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:06,194
They've seen my Insta.
They've seen my TikToks.

45
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,280
They've fallen in love
with the word of God.

46
00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:11,720
And with Jeb, the brand.

47
00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:13,440
But I told you about
this weeks ago.

48
00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:15,760
Yeah, but this thing
has just come up, so...

49
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,880
You realise that makes
it less valid, right?

50
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:21,080
No, no, no, no,
Rachel, I just feel like

51
00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:23,640
God is guiding me towards this

52
00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:25,240
and away from your thing.

53
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:26,440
I gotta run.

54
00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:33,240
Mwah.

55
00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:34,280
Wow.

56
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:38,280
OK, so I have an exam
and no way to practise for it.

57
00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:40,280
What if I helped you?

58
00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:42,560
You're flyering for
Samson. Yeah, well...

59
00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:46,240
..what if I wasn't?

60
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,920
Sometimes I wish I
could put myself in the bin.

61
00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:54,800
Sorry. Did you hear that?

62
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:56,560
Samson.

63
00:02:57,640 --> 00:02:59,514
I thought this would stop
me worrying about my speech,

64
00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:03,720
but now I'm worried about my
speech and my 200 metre split time.

65
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:06,520
If my speech fails, I'll have
let down an entire generation.

66
00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:09,080
Andrew, it's not
healthy to think like that.

67
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:10,120
Even though it's true.

68
00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:11,720
Are you struggling
with your speech?

69
00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:15,680
Mary used to help me
find the words, but now...

70
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:17,960
Well, I could be Mary.
I mean, your wife.

71
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,234
I mean, I could replace your wife. I
mean, I could help with the words.

72
00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:23,960
You and I alone? Would
that be appropriate?

73
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,840
Aaron, what do you
think? I think it's fine.

74
00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,320
He thinks it's fine. OK.

75
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:32,080
Well, I guess I'll...
see you later, then.

76
00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:33,200
Mm.

77
00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,240
ANDREW SIGHS

78
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:46,000
FYI, Mum, you and Andrew
alone is obviously inappropriate,

79
00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:48,760
but we really need this
speech, so crack on.

80
00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:53,960
OK. So, Josh, you're,
like, my examiner.

81
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,800
Abijah, we don't actually need
you, so you could go back to church.

82
00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:59,240
No, Rachel. The
church is Vote Town.

83
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,440
Don't send me back to
the horrors of Vote Town.

84
00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:02,720
I could be the dummy.

85
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:05,120
I have qualities that dummy
doesn't have, like arms.

86
00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:07,760
The dummy is so we
can practise proper CPR.

87
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,200
If I did that to you,
your ribs would break.

88
00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:14,474
We'll make you a
neutral bystander.

89
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:18,960
Oh, Rachel! I'll never forget
what you've done for me today.

90
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,520
DREAMY MUSIC PLAYS

91
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,080
MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY Fiona?

92
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:24,280
David!

93
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:27,000
Are you... putting
on lipstick? No.

94
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,042
Really? Because it looks
like... I said no, David.

95
00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:32,880
OK. Well, I'm
having a great time

96
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,360
delving into the
history of AV cables,

97
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:36,714
but I just wonder if
we should talk about

98
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:39,080
what happened with Maude.

99
00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:40,200
I know it upset you.

100
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,282
No, it didn't upset me.
It didn't upset me at all.

101
00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:46,120
I'm going to Andrew's.

102
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:49,040
Andrew's? For Aaron.
On behalf of Aaron.

103
00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:55,040
Oh. Well, I guess if it's for Aaron,
I can't have a problem with it.

104
00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:57,360
That's right, sweetie.

105
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:01,720
Hm.

106
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:02,760
Go.

107
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:05,200
Mr Smith? Mr Smith? No response.

108
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:06,720
Please save my wife. Your wife?

109
00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:07,920
It's a fictional world.

110
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,840
I can have a wife if I want one!

111
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:11,160
OK. I'm checking for a pulse.

112
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,480
No pulse after ten seconds.

113
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:16,120
Right. We start
chest compressions.

114
00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:17,360
It'll be OK, Ellie.

115
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,880
My dream wife's name is Ellie.

116
00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:20,354
Well, her friends
call her Eleanor.

117
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:21,594
Actually, it's mainly
her school friends.

118
00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:22,680
We need defib pads.

119
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,640
Done. But she's
bleeding out. OK. Ready?

120
00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:27,800
Two bags of O-neg. We
may need to transfuse.

121
00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:29,760
Oh, Rachel, look
at her necklace.

122
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:30,840
No blood.

123
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:31,880
Did you plant that?

124
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,520
They were her wishes, Josh.

125
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:37,080
No, they weren't. Rachel,
her heart rhythm's gone V-tach.

126
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,720
OK. Then we shock.
Three, two, one, shock.

127
00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:42,080
Ah! Done.

128
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:43,120
Well?

129
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:44,840
You did everything right.

130
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:45,960
You made it, Ellie.

131
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,920
My beautiful one. Oh, don't!

132
00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:53,520
Well, lady of the grapes.

133
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,920
I didn't think I'd find
myself looking at you again.

134
00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,120
But I guess I've
hit rock bottom.

135
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:00,720
KNOCKING AT DOOR

136
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,040
Oh, sweet Christ.

137
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,280
Hello, David. Maude.

138
00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:09,840
You shouldn't be here.

139
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:13,880
I was just in the area,
innocently flyering for Samson.

140
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,000
I support traditional
values, you see.

141
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:18,200
I find that hard to believe
when you keep feeding me

142
00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:19,960
extramarital pie.

143
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,680
Here, let me pin a badge on you.

144
00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:24,120
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

145
00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:25,840
We're an Andrew household.

146
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:29,960
And what job have you been
given in this grand campaign?

147
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,920
Well, I'm disentangling

148
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:34,920
a twisted bolus of wires
from the '90s. I see.

149
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:37,520
Very quiet house.

150
00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:39,960
Missing its domestic hum,

151
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,760
the patter of pans,

152
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:45,480
the buzz of a wife
doing her duty.

153
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:46,680
Where is Fiona?

154
00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:47,920
She's at Andrew's.

155
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:51,320
Hm. But I like that
she's independent.

156
00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:55,760
David, there's nothing sadder
than a man who's lying to himself.

157
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,240
Maude, nothing you
say can induce me

158
00:06:58,280 --> 00:07:00,080
to let you cross this threshold.

159
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,720
This is a broken VCR.

160
00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:08,480
I need a strong man to
help me fix my spools.

161
00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,000
Could you be that
prodigy, David?

162
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:15,400
I am only flesh.

163
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,040
Good boy.

164
00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:24,800
Now, Fiona, before
we get started,

165
00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:28,240
I think we should set
some ground rules.

166
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,760
Ground rules? Why do
we need ground rules?

167
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,800
Well, the last time we were alone
together, you profaned my wife.

168
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:38,000
You put on my wife's wedding
ring and you destroyed the tree

169
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,120
that was a symbol of my wife.

170
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,360
Well, Andrew, obviously
it's going to sound bad

171
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:43,800
if you refuse to
twist the facts.

172
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:45,114
I think we should
set some boundaries.

173
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:46,400
No physical contact.

174
00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:48,440
Keep language neutral.

175
00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:50,105
And the third was
going to be no makeup.

176
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,400
But I see you've
already broken that.

177
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,154
But the other two still
stand. Do you agree?

178
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:55,240
Of course, Andrew.

179
00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,274
I promise to respect two out
of three of your boundaries.

180
00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:58,920
Fiona! I caught it, I caught it.

181
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,600
FIONA CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY

182
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:06,760
How's Aaron doing?

183
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,040
He went to canvas Elder Raab.

184
00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:10,440
Elder Raab? Oh.

185
00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:14,720
Gays are the fifth
Horseman of the Apocalypse.

186
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:17,120
Whenever two men have
sex, it opens a portal to hell.

187
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,440
It opens a portal to hell?

188
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:20,680
Yep. In London.

189
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:24,720
Don't worry.

190
00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:27,720
I started letting his tyres
down before he'd even spoke.

191
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,960
Slowly. Hopefully he won't
notice until he's on the M6.

192
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:34,520
The vote's tomorrow. Does
Andrew even have a chance?

193
00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:37,600
Aaron, I promise
that no matter what,

194
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:41,000
I'm having a great time
vandalising bigots' cars.

195
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:44,280
Your tape path is
seriously gummed.

196
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,480
Rubbing alcohol
could clear the clog,

197
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:51,800
but there's so much detritus,
I'd almost suspect foul play.

198
00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:55,600
I'm setting your Ansamac
100 to answerphone only.

199
00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:58,240
I don't want the two
of us being disturbed.

200
00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:04,560
You do know that this so-called vote
is just a charade, don't you, David?

201
00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:07,320
That whatever you
do, Samson will win.

202
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:10,440
He has tapes,

203
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:14,280
recordings of every
confessional he's ever taken,

204
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:19,600
of every member of the congregation,
spilling their darkest secrets.

205
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:21,160
It was the best
meal I've ever had,

206
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:22,480
and my wife didn't cook it.

207
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,400
This is every man's
worst nightmare.

208
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,440
David, why have
you spent 40 minutes

209
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,160
talking to me about pie?

210
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,880
That session went
on for another hour.

211
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:34,040
I know. I have the transcripts.

212
00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:36,840
Why are you telling
me this, Maude?

213
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,080
Because I know where
the tapes are, David,

214
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,000
and I can make them go away.

215
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:43,040
For my special one.

216
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:49,400
In exchange for repairing
this VCR together.

217
00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:50,680
Intimately.

218
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,560
Why are you so interested in me?

219
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:54,480
Isn't it obvious, David?

220
00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:58,520
Because you're the most
pathetic man I've ever met.

221
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,640
Don't worry. It's a good thing.

222
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:07,920
You're so incompetent,
so decidedly wretched

223
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,600
that you become something
other, something sublime.

224
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:14,760
Few men can say they're the
best at anything in this world.

225
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,080
Even if that is being a lap dog.

226
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:25,200
My lap dog.

227
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:30,280
DAVID SHUDDERS

228
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,320
And you promise to
wipe Samson's tapes?

229
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:33,560
Of course.

230
00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:39,960
Slowly, David. These tape
heads are very sensitive.

231
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:42,760
God forgive me.

232
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:44,280
DOOR SLAMS

233
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:47,800
I'm doing this for you, Aaron.

234
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,440
FOOTSTEPS RECEDE

235
00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:04,880
When Samson sees
our faith, he sees control.

236
00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:07,120
What I see? I see love.

237
00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:11,080
I love every member of this
congregation passionately.

238
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:12,640
Passionately.

239
00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:14,600
I mean, it's all
about love, isn't it?

240
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,200
Yes, love.

241
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:17,440
Platonic love.

242
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:18,480
Any kind of love.

243
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:21,760
Maybe it would be helpful to
pick someone out in the audience,

244
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:22,960
deliver it to them.

245
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,194
But you're the only one here.

246
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:25,434
Oh, well, you'll have
to pick me, then!

247
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:26,800
SHE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY

248
00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:30,160
Let's... let's give it a
try with eye contact.

249
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,640
Andrew, I'm just
here for my son.

250
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:34,960
On behalf of my son.

251
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,920
You need me to look into your
eyes and talk about love for your son?

252
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:40,440
Yes. It's what he would want.

253
00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:44,360
Well, we can pause the
speech. Yeah. Let's pause.

254
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,440
And talk posture. Posture?

255
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,160
It's a vital element
of speech making.

256
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:49,914
Back straight, shoulders
broad. Let me show you.

257
00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,720
ANDREW GRUNTS AND GROANS

258
00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:53,480
Oh, my lats!

259
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:57,480
Oh, they get so
tight after training.

260
00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:59,160
Oh, gosh. OK, so what can I do?

261
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,000
You can't do anything, Fiona.

262
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,400
HE GROANS

263
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:05,520
Oh. Mary used to massage
them with Tiger balm,

264
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,240
but that would be inappropriate.

265
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:10,320
Why would it be inappropriate?
If Mary can do it, I can.

266
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:11,960
Because Mary was my wife.

267
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,040
Andrew, this is not about wives

268
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,720
or whose wife is who or
who should be whose wife.

269
00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:21,000
This is about your speech
and your back and your lats.

270
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,640
Tight, tight lats.
Now, is that the balm?

271
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:24,960
Oh, you found that quick.

272
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,320
Andrew, I'm going to help you

273
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:33,000
by platonically and disinterestedly
rubbing you right down.

274
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:34,880
Just the top of
the neck. No lower.

275
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,120
How's that?

276
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:40,920
Oh, that's... that's
actually helping.

277
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:43,600
Do you want me to go higher?

278
00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:46,640
Lower?

279
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:50,600
Deeper?

280
00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:53,840
OK, Fiona. I think it's quite clear
that you have feelings for me.

281
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,120
I've felt that way ever
since you defiled my wife.

282
00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:59,840
My husband ate another woman's
pie, and I will not be made a fool of!

283
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,560
Please leave.

284
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:02,840
Oh!

285
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:10,920
It's a bit slippery.

286
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,280
Thank you, David.
That was wonderful.

287
00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:15,720
David, I'm back from Andrew's.

288
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,360
It's really normal.

289
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:18,400
What the hell?

290
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:21,480
Relax, Fiona.
We've long finished.

291
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:25,960
I was just fixing her
VCR. Mm. And I did. Look.

292
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:31,520
David, if you're watching this,
then our baby is fully operational.

293
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,960
It means that we
came together in union

294
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,560
and repaired the
sheared feeding band.

295
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:40,240
Now we can make videos
of absolutely anything.

296
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:41,600
Wow.

297
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:44,280
So, while I've been at Andrew's
at the bequest of our son...

298
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:46,320
Do I smell... Tiger balm?

299
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:47,880
ANSWER MACHINE BEEPS

300
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:49,760
David, I think you need to know

301
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,640
your wife just tried to touch
me in inappropriate areas.

302
00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:55,360
We're talking neck,
we're talking shoulder.

303
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:59,840
What? Oh, God. FIONA SPLUTTERS

304
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:05,480
That was actually really fun.

305
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:08,360
Yeah. It was great to
see you finally in action.

306
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,520
You're gonna ace it.

307
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:10,640
Yeah. Let me...

308
00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:11,920
Let me help you with that.

309
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,440
What's going on?

310
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,440
Does she open the
door silently, too?

311
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:24,000
Uh, I was just helping Rachel
with her paramedic exam when I...

312
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:26,120
Yeah. Sorry. Hey, Heather.

313
00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:27,560
Back off, bitch!

314
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:30,280
Sorry, what? I said, back off.

315
00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:33,120
OK, I'm... I'm gonna go.

316
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:40,600
What's been going on?

317
00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:42,040
You reek of desire.

318
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:48,800
So, Joseph's dripped out in
this technicolour dreamcoat.

319
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:51,080
But his bros, they're
not too happy.

320
00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:54,720
So they lob him
in an actual well.

321
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:56,720
And his dad had four wives.

322
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,160
Bro is busy.

323
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,240
Before any speeches,

324
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:09,800
are there any elders out there
who want to share their thoughts?

325
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:13,240
Remember, this is a safe space.

326
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:17,800
Gays are the sons of Sodom.

327
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,960
Thank you, Elder.
That's very brave.

328
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:26,960
And now, just as in Luke
22:48, it's time for Judas to speak.

329
00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:30,920
This is it. The moment of truth.

330
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,600
It all comes down to
one man and his speech.

331
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:36,800
Greetings, everyone.

332
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:39,320
I would like to start today
by asking a question.

333
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,600
What was Jesus's
greatest commandment?

334
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,520
I mean, according to
Matthew, there were two.

335
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:49,800
Love thy God, and
love thy neighbour. Love.

336
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:51,880
Love. Love is the key thing.

337
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,520
OK. All right.
Yep, yep, yep, yep.

338
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:56,160
Thought I could tolerate
that, but I'm just bored.

339
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,800
Samson, I have a right...
Throughout the years,

340
00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:04,560
I have performed
over 600 confessions.

341
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:08,640
I've recorded each
and every one of them.

342
00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:13,640
So if I am not re-elected,

343
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:16,400
I will release those
tapes to the public...

344
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:23,720
..for your spouses to hear,
for your children to hear.

345
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:30,640
This is but a taste of what
I have in my possession.

346
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,680
Last week, I got so lonely I
made a friend out of socks.

347
00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:40,520
I didn't realise I'd crossed a
line until I named it Joshua.

348
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:42,920
Oh! It could have
been anyone's voice.

349
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,320
Maude, tell them.

350
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,240
Tell them you
destroyed all the tapes.

351
00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:51,440
All the tapes? Yes?

352
00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:53,680
I destroyed your tapes, David.

353
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:56,760
The tapes of my
special one. For us.

354
00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,880
I thought you were
going to save everyone.

355
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:01,274
Well, you should have
been more specific

356
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,480
before you put your
hands inside my VCR.

357
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:07,240
You'll find your polling
cards under your seats.

358
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:08,800
You know what to do.

359
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:14,400
Don't give in!

360
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:19,000
Don't vote for a man who
would hold this over your head.

361
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:20,954
Yeah. Amazing stuff,
Aaron. Some of us said things.

362
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:22,640
Yeah. Said so many things.

363
00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,440
Confidence. ABIJAH
CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY

364
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,480
I've never felt less
confident in my life.

365
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:35,560
Who did you just vote for?

366
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,880
You shouldn't really be
watching me vote, love.

367
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,560
The count is in.

368
00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:53,640
For Andrew...

369
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,040
..41 votes.

370
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,640
For Samson...

371
00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,560
..41 votes.

372
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,000
Wait. That's impossible.
There's 83 congregants.

373
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:05,874
I think someone's
tried to abstain.

374
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:06,994
Both these boxes are checked,

375
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:10,920
and in the margin they've
written, "Sorry." Sad face.

376
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:22,080
Which way did you vote, Abijah?

377
00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:25,680
I... Oh, boy. HE
CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

378
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,560
Mark my name right now.

379
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,240
Vote for a new future, Abijah.

380
00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:32,240
I will bury you
under this church.

381
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:34,600
Oh, come on, Samson!

382
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,160
Don't let the dream die.

383
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:39,360
I say, is anyone else very cold?

384
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:42,920
It suddenly feels very
dark and cold. Oh!

385
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:46,480
CONGREGANTS MURMUR

386
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,280
Has he got a pulse?

387
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:49,920
He's just fainted.

388
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:51,080
Shame.

389
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:53,880
I vote for Switzerland.

390
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:55,240
Always for Switzerland.

391
00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:56,480
Don't worry about the vote.

392
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:58,080
The vote can't hurt you now.

393
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:01,640
Andrew? Yeah?

394
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:02,920
What does this mean?

395
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,240
It means you lose.

396
00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:07,960
No majority, no change.

397
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:12,320
Nice try, little man.

398
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,640
You know, in ten years,

399
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:16,360
you're going to be
a worthy adversary.

400
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:19,440
Oh...

401
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:23,120
Oof! Such a shame.
Such a damn shame.

402
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:27,120
There was one vote in it.

403
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,360
Crazy. Crazy how
those chips fall.

404
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,720
WA15 3PO.

405
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,120
WA15?

406
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:36,240
That's weird.

407
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,600
You know that postcode?

408
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,320
I know every postcode, Aaron.

409
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,240
Hey, Aaron. You doing OK?

410
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:56,000
Just gonna brush
my teeth, get in bed

411
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:57,640
and pray for an Armageddon.

412
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,120
Hm. You've not
done that for ages.

413
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:02,640
Yeah, it's a bad day.

414
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:10,400
David, I see you've moved
your bed further away.

415
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:11,474
Well, I didn't want to risk

416
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,360
accidentally brushing
your hand in the night.

417
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,154
You've never spoken
to me like this before.

418
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:18,880
You've never made hand love
to a neighbour's neck before.

419
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:22,240
OK, then. Here's to never
making physical contact ever again.

420
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:24,960
Fine by me. Could
you get the light?

421
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,080
Yes.

422
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:29,800
Night-night.

423
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,040
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